On a typical Friday night I'm at home with my son and my husband. I'll make dinner. Get 'A' ready for bed, watch repeats of Storage Wars and enjoy a glass or two (or three) of wine. Tonight was not much different except for the wine.
One of the things that I have come to realize this week is how much I drink in the evening. I will have a glass of wine with dinner (again or 2 or 3). I'll make mojitos. I might even get some hard cider. I have not drank at all this week. As I write this blog, I am enjoying a cup of detox tea...ahhh (ha-ha).
I spent the whole day at home washing multiple loads of laundry (that still need to be folded) and prepping for my psychology courses that start up in 2 weeks however I felt this edgy melancholy all day because what's a Friday night without a glass of wine? I know that this detox is not forever (25 more days to go but who's counting??) but its clear that I have to change my relationship not only to food but drink.
I actually could have gone to an art opening tonight. I really wanted to go but I was scared. How could I possibly go to an art opening and NOT have a glass of wine? Furthermore how could I turn down a glass of wine if someone were to say "aren't you going to have a glass of wine?" I hate disappointing people...strike that...I hate "feeling like" I'm disappointing people. I know this is one of my major cognitive distortions and probably a distortion others experience too.
I'm referring to the expectations I imagine others have of me. I know these expectations are all in my head but the feeling of guilt and disappointment that I associate with these expectations is SO huge that I'd rather live up to them than take a chance on what would happen if I did something unexpected or in this case make healthier choices.
I can only take this detox one day at a time but I am already wondering what happens on Day 31? Can I keep it up? Can I make better choices AND indulge in an occasional glass of wine or a tasty dessert without over-indulging?
I did stick to my meal plan - although for dinner I had just written "fish." I thought about what I did have in my produce stocks - tomatoes, cucumbers, avocados so I decided I wanted to make ceviche. This was not one of the recipes in my booklet but I thought I do a bit of improvising with ingredients I knew I could eat. I noticed shrimp was listed as an okay food but I don't really care for shrimp so I did some Internet searching and found that scallops and shrimp are almost identical nutritionally. I asked my husband picked up some fresh sea scallops on his way home for work.
Then I thought 'but I love having tortilla chips with ceviche but that is most definitely not on the detox. I then consulted the Simply Fit Kitchen Facebook page for some cooking tips on the Arbonne cleanse and so that she had made some tortilla strips from rice tortillas. I went to Whole Foods as I needed cilantro and found gluten free tortillas. I cut them into wedges, seasoned with salt and baked them in the oven at 400 degrees for 10-15 minutes.
I started the ceviche a little late so the marinating took longer than expected which left me eating after 7pm (another no-no on the detox) and munching on chips because by 6:40pm I was STARVING and quite frankly sick of raw vegetables and I had already had an apple, a nectarine and 2 protein shakes for the day. Alright I also eat one of my son's fish sticks. It was the Dr. Praeger's brand so I think I deserve a pass.
Overall I'd call Day 5 successful even if I splurged on a fish stick.
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