I can't believe that I have 6 more days till my cleanse is over. The days have been flying by and so has the weight...ha ha. The weight loss has been slowing but still decreasing. I'm two weeks into my semester and have not had the time to really contemplate what happens after day 30. I have been asked that question though by several people - my endocrinologist included. When I noticed tonight that tomorrow was day 25 (yes I am marking the days off on my calendar) i had an "oh shit" moment of "what is next?"
What is next is that two days after I complete my cleanse I am going to a weekend wedding where I will be attending the rehearsal dinner, the wedding reception, and a day after brunch! I really think I have been trying to mentally block out how difficult that is going to be for me.
A couple months ago I went to a family wedding and of course had gone dress shopping. It was depressing. Everything I tried on just was not flattering or didn't fit. I ended up buying 4 dresses (3 of which I ended up returning) because everything just looked "eh." The dress I ended up wearing was something I did like and felt confident wearing. It's hard to get all gussied up and feel uncomfortable.
Last November I had also attended a wedding where I had a MAJOR wardrobe malfunction. I sat down and the zipper on my dress just completed busted open because it was form-fitting. I really loved the dress too. I had been feeling so good about the way I looked despite being close to 200lbs. When that dress broke I was mortified. Luckily I was facing a wall when it happened and was able to sneak to the bathroom. Thank god my friend was in the bathroom at the time and was able to grab my coat and my husband. I was so embarrassed that I left the wedding early and took a cab back to the hotel by myself. I held it together until I got in the cab trying to play it off like I wasn't too upset but I cried for a couple of hours after. Once I dried my eyes I put on some jeans and went to drink lane in the hotel bar. When my friends found me, I told myself and them it was because the dress wasn't sewn correctly but it was just too hard to admit that it was because I was wearing a dress that just didn't fit right. It was too tight and it was a size 16.
Needless to say the dress that I bought for the wedding this summer was a slip on dress made of cotton jersey material. No zippers. No eyelet hooks. No buttons. No potential wardrobe disasters. I plan to wear it to this wedding. New crowd no one from this wedding (aside from husband) has seen me in it and I paid $20 bucks for it on clearance at Marshall's. Sweet right? So I tried it on tonight. It looked really slimming and all I could think was "wow this looks good but I must have looked freakin' huge in this 2 months ago...what the fuck was I thinking?"
I did go looking for a new dress for this wedding. Even though I had one I had to at least look. Don't judge you would have done the same thing. I didn't find anything I liked but it wasn't because of size. Dresses in size 12 were fitting nicely. It felt good to try on clothes and not leave the dressing room with that defeated feeling of nothing fits. I ended up getting a new dress for the rehearsal dinner though. It's really cute. It is a size L but it's nice that my boobs and my stomach aren't aligned anymore. I have a waist and my boobs stick out further than my belly.
I still haven't figured out how I am going to get through the food and drink portion of the wedding weekend buy at least I will feel good about how I look. I'm hoping that the added confidence of looking healthier will motivate me to make positive choices through out the weekend.
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